Bisexual pride: always on the fence

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I like men and women. I do not rate it on a level of equality because I do not apply mathematics to love or sexual compatibility. It’s not that I don’t see the difference of gender—I appreciate it. It’s just not a boundary to me. It’s not a factor. And even though I am married, I am still bisexual.

For some, this notion can be confusing. Let me break it down for you. I’m married to a man, whom I love dearly and am exclusively involved with romantically and sexually. But in the same way that a straight man maintains that preference during marriage—most likely anyway—I maintain my sexuality. It’s part of who I am. So why on earth do I receive funny looks, scoffs, and shaking heads when I claim Gay Pride?

Some people think that bisexuality is somehow a milder form of gayness—more socially acceptable or easier to admit. Stereotypes of slutty, loose women who just want it all and are selfish have been used to explain away my preference. But just like any other non-straight person, I came to find myself through initial discomfort with societal norms, admitting what I knew about myself, admitting it to others, and living with it every day.

When I came out during middle school, being gay/bi/trans/anything not straight warranted severe harassment and bullying. I personally was shoved violently out of the closet when I confided in the form of a written note to a fellow classmate that I was bisexual. She and her friends made over a hundred copies and passed them out. School really, really sucked from that day forward.

Similar to other gay students, I was referred to a special counselor—who specialized in students like myself—and was then joined to Triple Point, a gay youth group where I met a ton of other people just like myself—gay, that is. Despite having all kinds of identities and preferences, we all shared our experience and social exclusion. I belonged there.

Coming out as bisexual can be just as difficult as coming out as gay, or lesbian, or asexual, or any other preference. So when I claim Gay Pride, I mean it from my experience, my identity, and from the very depths of my soul. Bisexual Pride is Gay Pride, and we’d like to be included.

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