Safe sexting to keep you sexy

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Christian Profeta/PSU Vanguard

Sexting subculture is a real thing, so much that celebrities are getting hacked and their nude photos are being posted online.

Sending sexually explicit messages can spice up your sex life, but it should be done mindfully. Here are some basics to keep you out of humiliation and in between the sheets.

Basic rules of sexting

1. No unsolicited sexts, ever, not even once

The most important rule of sexting is that it has to be invited.

No one will ever forgive you for sending an unsolicited sext. You’ll be the butt of endless jokes for weeks and months. Your sext will be locked in the receiver’s phone as a go-to running gag. Your sext will be a screenshot circulating from friend to friend on Facebook. It might even end up on TextsFromLastNight.com.

If you know you can’t pick up on social cues that tell you to back off when you’re being annoying, then you should either ask outright if it’s okay to sext or just avoid it all together.

2. Don’t be a narcissist

Someone is reading your erotic messages, so don’t forget about them. Think about what they like. If you don’t know, ask them. Remember, you’re not sending steamy messages to yourself. You can do that in the bathroom mirror after a hot shower. Alone.

3. Be selective

No one wants their private sexual fantasies shared in public, so make sure the person you’re sexting isn’t going to snap because you forgot to respond yesterday afternoon and so now topless pictures of you are on 4chan but they’ve been Photoshopped to make you look like you’re going down on Barbara Bush.

If you wouldn’t introduce the person to your parents, get a Trackphone to sext them, never show your face in any photo, and cover all of your tattoos. If you’re willing to go that far, maybe you have an addiction and you should talk to Student Health and Counseling Services.

From sexts to sex

Now that the basic rules of sexting are out of the way, let’s look at some sexting examples sent in anonymously and decide if they will lead to actual sex.

Simple, sweet, sexy

“[Picture of a red balloon] That’s your clit.”

This was probably the best example. If you can be cute, funny and erotic within an emoticon and three words, you’re on your way to funky town, but lots of foreplay is happening first.

Long and direct

“Well I’m thinking of being on my knees with you standing over me with your legs spread. And I’m also thinking of turning you around and fucking you from behind against the wall for a good long while.”

Imagine the consequences if this message was sent unsolicited. According to the sender, it wasn’t, and the two people sharing this knew each other for years. How sweet!

This message is straight to the point but long enough to probably be sent in two messages. Spelling out what you like and want to do is a way to discover more about each other’s sexuality. I think it’s safe to say these sexters are getting it on.

Clinical and creepy

“Can I lick the residue from the inner wall of your rectal cavity?”

Gross. Avoid this at all costs. Unless you’re dating the twins from Dead Ringers, don’t mimic the above sext.

I wish I knew if the person who got this text said, “Yes. That’s EXACTLY what I want. Can you talk about sucking the bacteria out of my mouth next?”

On the other hand, if you want to stay a virgin or remain celibate, this is your jam.

If you’re too paranoid to use your SMS messenger, Facebook or Snapchat, you can always use the apps Hello Text or the allegedly untraceable Hidely.

Whatever platform you choose to use just remember, someone is on the other end of your message. If you screw it up you might end up on the Twitter page Really Bad Sexts @FWW_BadSexts. Or if things go well you could end up on sextmeback.tumblr.com.

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