Looking ‘Back’ at 2002

Now that 2002 is drawing to a close, it doesn’t seem to stick in memory like 2001 did, in fact it almost seems like longer ago. But then, our society wasn’t reshaped in quite the same dramatic way this past year-’02 was characterized by a more mainstream brand of mayhem, with a few notable exceptions.

Bin Laden was captured after attempting to board a plane in Pakistan disguised as a morbidly unattractive woman, followed by the capture of several more al-qaida leaders. The US economy rebounded after this news for at least a week, but then came Dick Cheney’s fatal heart attack. George W. was plunged into real control of the country. “Our people is ready for economic betterness,” he boldly proclaimed, unveiling his new revised post-Cheney budget. The country then went into an economic tailspin that made the downturn of 2001 seem like getting incorrect change at a 7-Eleven. Then we were invaded and subsequently conquered by China. The US was under Communist control for several weeks before Deng Xiao Ping et al discovered American daytime television and were never heard from again

Celebrity Deaths: Dave Thomas, Martha Stewart was hit by a speeding donut truck, Britney Spears was struck by an overhead light during the filming of her first adult film, Dick Cheney had a heart attack, David Arquette, Carrot Top and Marlon Wayans in a tragic accident at a 1-800-CALL-ATT celebrity spokesperson reunion party when a poorly anchored telephone pole dialed right down the middle of the building. Only Alyssa Milano survived.

Closer to home at Portland and PSU, our little microcosm of the world-tuition was raised by 100 bucks a credit, parking went up to 500 per term, the Vikings football team surprised everyone by sweeping their conference and it is rumored that they may be responsible for the PAC-10 becoming the PAC-11 next year. The 11 million dollar tree in front of the library accidentally burned to the ground after a candlelight vigil in the Park Blocks to protest environmental degradation got out of hand. And Senator Gordon Smith was resoundingly defeated in his bid for re-election after making foolhardy comments about PSU being a hub for terrorist fundraising.