Are you in an unsatisfying relationship? Something missing in the bedroom or life in general? Whether you’re just bored or you’ve been curious about BDSM for a while, the point is you’ve decided to explore your kinky side. Now what?
What is Kink?
Being kinky generally means having an interest in BDSM. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, BDSM stands for bondage, dominance, submission and masochism.
Tying someone up and flogging them is a good example of bondage and dominance. Being collared and walked around a party on all fours would be an example of submission and masochism. Any kinky activity can be referred to as a fetish.
Fetishes are fascinations with pretty much anything, but are not always sexual.
Otherwise known as paraphilia, sexual fetishes can be clinically defined as sexual arousal to atypical individuals objects, or situations.
Consent
BDSM can be a lot of fun between consenting adults,and bring joy to your life. But remember: The most important part of any kinky relationship is consent. Remove consent and it becomes abuse. That’s it. End of story.
Before playing, kinksters usually have a discussion about what the following play will entail, known as soft and hard limits. And lets not forget the ever important safe words! The standard yellow for slow down and red for stop is always easy to remember. You may think discussing limits before playing may kill the mood, but it is an important part of being kinky. It can also be rather hot.
What goes up
While playing, you may feel a high. This is because of the body’s natural release of endorphins. An endorphin release can be therapeutic and is a natural stress and pain reliever.
Hard play, like impact play, for instance, can bring on an especially strong endorphin rush. For someone in the submissive role this is called sub space. For someone in the dominant role this is called top space. These spaces can be hypnotic and meditative in nature.
But what goes up must come down. After sub and top space one can experience drop. This can happen anytime, sometimes within hours to a few days after play. Drop can simply be lethargy, or it can be depression or anxiety.
Aftercare is an essential part of being kinky and is exactly what it sounds like. Aftercare is making sure everyone is okay and getting what they need. Sometimes it’s as simple as cuddling in a soft blanket or eating a bowl of ice cream.
Aftercare is beneficial for everyone involved. The sub might need to know they are still cared for, and the dom might need to know they are not despised.
Different kinds of highs, drops and aftercare vary between individuals and the type of play. In any relationship, and even more so in a kinky one, communication is key.
Meeting other Kinksters
Were you one of the 100 million people that picked up a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey? Because of the erotic novel’s popularity, the kink community is expecting an influx of new, curious people. Yes, there is a kink community, and they are expecting you.
How do you go about finding this community? For those in the Portland area, pdxkinkevents.com. The site is a list of kinky events like munches and classes.
Munches might be a term you’re unfamiliar with. They are events at places like bars, restaurants or sometimes private homes where kinky people can meet in a non-sexual environment. These events are always for those ages 18 and over.
Munches and the kink community can seem cliquish to those just starting out, but that is mostly for safety purposes. The community is very protective and does its best to keep out predators. This can make it especially difficult for a single male to meet other kinksters. I would advise going to a lot of events so the community can vet you. The rewards of meeting new people with similar desires and interests is absolutely worth it.
Safety
It can be dangerous navigating the dating world, and the kink community is no exception. Like dating sites, munches and kinky events can attract predators, so be safe. If you are meeting someone, use the buddy system and let a friend know the time and place. Trust your instincts. If someone seems a bit off and you don’t know why, walk away.
Exploring your kinky side is a different adventure for everyone. Enjoy your fantasies and desires, but don’t forget consent, communication and safety. Have fun and perv on!
