I live in Hillsboro, and I’m always unimpressed by people’s knowledge of Hillsboro.
“Hey, isn’t that the place with all of the Mexicans?”
“No, that’s Mexico, Hillsboro contains all sorts of people,” I respond.
I live in a neighborhood filled with teachers, retirees and a guy who has had a stroke every second Tuesday of each month for the last six years. Most people around the neighborhood are married; my family seems to be the exception. I am pretty sure we are the only single-parent family on the block. We are the outcasts, we are the shunned, we are the ones who put fireworks in your mailboxes.
But why am I so worried about my neighborhood? It’s not the fact that I worry about everything (and I do mean everything: doctors study me).
I’m actually worried about the city of Hillsboro in general. It comes down to one simple thing: we have no record store. We have nothing, nada (to impress the Spanish-speakers) zip! Oh, I guess there is one little record store, but it’s surrounded by a washed-up Radio Shack and a McDonalds that actually makes Burger King look good. In addition, rumor has it they sell acid right behind the Zippo lighters.
To make things worse, in this city, to get to the one record store we have, it is necessary to travel on a street that changes its speed limit from 35 to 25 in five feet. It isn’t too bad at first, but cops decide on always waiting at that little bump in the speed limit just to nab unsuspecting victims. I am fortunate to say that I have not been caught. (Damn Murphy’s Law.)
This is all I want – a nice record store to shop in. That is it – nothing more.
From this year’s census report, Hillsboro had one of the biggest increases in population in the whole big state of Oregon. Therefore, with so ‘much population’, we had to build more apartments, more townhouses and, of course, more Starbucks and Albertsons. Quick fact: Hillsboro now holds the world record for having three Starbucks in a two-block radius. We have plenty of coffee, we have plenty of groceries, we have plenty of fast food, we have plenty of Hollywood Videos, but we need at least one decent record store.
We do not need more of the same thing. Why are these other cities getting a variety while the city of Hillsboro is getting screwed? I remember five years ago, we had a nice arcade/pool hall. After a few drive-by shootings by local gang members, it is now a 21-and-over bar; so much for that good idea. So now, we have no place to play pool or buy records.
I’d rather not have to go to Second Avenue or to Beaverton just to find out that what I want isn’t even there. I want a record store in Hillsboro! Even if they sell crap, I would even not mind working there. I need a good job opportunity. I speak a little Spanish and I hate coffee, the smell makes me vomit in my own mouth, so I can’t work anywhere in Hillsboro. I know music, I love music, give me my record store!
Am I asking for too much? Hillsboro has a library that nobody uses, a public swimming pool that is always closed due to lost teeth and feces problems, public parks that turn into public graffiti and four high schools for the 30 kids in the city who actually give a damn. A little record store will put this town at ease.
If the city of Hillsboro doesn’t shape up and give me my record store, I might have to resort to something drastic: ending up studying to be a teacher. That way I can finally fit in with the rest of my neighborhood and maybe, even, every Tuesday I can compete with the guy across the street.
A stroke every month? Ha! I’ll double that and add an aneurysm every Saturday for a whole summer.