You think doing alcohol is cool? Think again!
A night out in Portland doesn’t have to mean ending your evening leaning over a random public toilet and waking up the next morning with a raging hangover. You can have fun in this town without getting wasted. Whether you’re underage, super-square or super-sober, there are plenty of ways to get wild in Portland that don’t revolve around alcohol and drugs.
Tattoo Time: Walkens welcome
Make it a night you’ll remember forever by getting branded with a tidbit of ink. You can’t get tattooed if you’ve been drinking, so this is a perfect way to send your sober night of revelry into high gear.
A couple of Portland’s legitimate tattoo shops offer walk-in days and will give you a quality flash piece that you won’t regret for the rest of your life.
Art Work Rebels
510A NW 23rd Ave.
Art Work Rebels tattoo studio does $150 flash walk-ins on the 23rd of every month, open until 8 p.m.
Atlas Tattoo
4543 N. Albina Ave.
Atlas is another good bet for a quality walk-in, which they welcome on most Sundays. Atlas is open until 7 p.m.
If you’re going to go get a walk-in tattoo, behave yourself.
Mark Galloway runs Windhorse tattoo in Kansas City and regularly guest tattoos at Portland’s Art Work Rebels. He gave some tips on how not to be a douche when getting a walk-in tattoo:
1) Have a loose idea of what you want so you aren’t wasting the artist’s and your time.
2) Walk-ins are usually set prices; haggling will only make you look like a cheap asshole. Pay with cash, and tip your artist.
3) Don’t expect miracles or something fantastical. Walk-ins are generally very straight forward and bold.
Pew! Pew!
You’ve got a couple of options on where to take your evening now that you’ve branded yourself as a permanent badass.
Ground Kontrol
511 NW Couch St.
Get started early and let your inner nerd run wild at Ground Kontrol, Portland’s well-loved classic arcade. This spot features 60 classic video games and 27 pinball machines. They’re all-ages before 5 p.m. If you’re lucky, you can catch one of their comedy shows, host DJs, karaoke or trivia nights, or game tournaments. Play some rounds and fill up on a Rudy Dog and a root beer float; your evening has just begun.
UltraZone Laser Tag
16074 SE Mcloughlin Blvd.
How about taking down your friends in a an epic 5,000 square foot laser tag arena featuring movable walls, black lights, glowing rocks and mirrored rooms? For $8 per game, this laser tag action will be enough to get your adrenaline pumping without having to rely on your fickle friend Molly. Keep in mind that Ultrazone is a trek if you don’t have a car.
Glowing Greens Mini Golf
509 SW Taylor St.
If you don’t want to schlep out to Southeast, check out Glowing Greens mini-golf in downtown Portland. You’ll be seeing putt-putt in a whole new light at this black-lit, indoor 18-hole golf course. They offer individual or group games, and they’re open until midnight on the weekends.
My Father’s Place
523 SE Grand Ave.
Round off your sober adventure at My Father’s Place. This Portland staple has been slinging comfort food since 1978. The restaurant’s website boasts its people watching to the likes of “Rockers, hipsters, white-collar professionals, college students [Hey, that’s you!], enigmatic drifters, storytellers, cultural tourists, artists, your Grandpa…”, and they’re spot on. Give your grandpa a hug, grab a booth, go ahead and order that French toast sandwich, watch all the sloppy drunks and think about how awesome you’re going to feel tomorrow. MFP is open until 2:30 a.m. everyday.
Among us, not of us
If you’re 21 and want to go to an event where alcohol is served, but don’t feel like partaking or answering questions about why you’re not drinking, there’s a loophole. One of my favorite drinks is soda water, bitters and lime. It makes me feel like I’m participating in the social aspect of alcohol-dependent activities without spending a bunch of money on something that’s going to ultimately make me act like an idiot and feel like shit the next day.
Keep your wits about you and party on. You’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as the first one in line for brunch tomorrow.
Editor-in-cheese
