PSU Vanguard Shield Icon

Cool As Cucumbers bring the flava

Cool As Cucumbers
Sucka MC’s
Buttery Lords
3728 N.E. Sandy
Saturday – 21+ with ID

At PSU it is almost impossible to go through an entire school year without meeting at least five people who have a band, or several bands. This is not a criticism. Portland has a lot to offer the indie music community, but sometimes these well-meaning musicians aren’t good. When new friends extend an invitation to see their band, it is hard not to let the fear creep in that it might be atrocious – and that I’ll have to tell them that it rocked.

Luckily this is not at all the case with Eric and Brad Bush of Cool As Cucumbers. After a first listen of their self-titled CD it is easy to see that they have a talent that a lot of indie musicians just don’t possess. Their lyrics are inventive and strong without the usual overbearing hooks found in a lot of hip-hop.

These two maestros write rhymes about obscure ’80s WWF wrestlers and baseball players with a heavy dose of pop culture iconography in the form of “the Simpsons” and Kevin Smith movies thrown in for flavor.

Their particular brand of hip-hop is stylish and shows no need for the bravado and self-promotion found in a lot of rap music. This band doesn’t have to use every opportunity to remind the listener that they score a lot of women or wear gold jewelry. They stick to what they know and love, and it comes out in their music.

The beats are simple with unobtrusive melodies to back up the vocals performed by both Eric and Brad. No hip-hop performer would be complete, however, without the inclusion of a good solid nickname. True to form, they have gone with minor characters from ’80s baseball. Eric is otherwise known as Biff Pocoroba. And ladies, if you want to get Brad’s attention just yell out Johnny Wockenfuss and he’ll come running. Both Brad and Eric have honed their skills on the Karaoke circuit as Brad is also a “KJ” at the Boiler Room, which in layman’s terms means Karaoke DJ. That is hot.

Cool As Cucumbers not only make great music, they also have one of the funniest Web sites I have ever seen. The address of this smart-ass masterpiece is The site is aptly named after the record label that Eric started as a way to escape from the horrors of high school life in Salem.

On the Web site you will be treated to a whole mess of catch phrases and movies of the week. Do you know what a cougar is? Are you familiar with the phrase “dude, I’m so stoked, I’m the governor of Stokelahoma”? Have you ever heard of the movie “The One Armed Executioner”? If you have yet to hear about any of these things, you are in for a treat.

If you want to hear Cool as Cucumbers, you need only head out to the Blackbird this Saturday. They will be opening for the Sucka MC’s and the Buttery Lords. The show should be great but get there early so you don’t miss the CAC set. It is destined to be the best of the night.

Incidentally, if you are wondering what a cougar is, it is an older woman in a bar looking to hook up with a younger man. A sample conversation regarding said cougar would go a little something like this, “Dude, what’s up with that lady that was hitting on you over by the VP machine?” “She’s a total cougar, dude.” “Major coug.” “Take a look around, dude. This place is cougsville.”