Today’s Birthday (Nov. 13)
“It’s not lies; it’s a gift for fiction.”
Aries (March 21-April 19)
“The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.”
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
“I can’t believe I gave my panties to a geek.”
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
“Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb!”
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
“Goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them.”
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
“How many times have I been wrong? Never. Not driving, anyway.”
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
“I saved Latin. What did you ever do?”
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
“E.g., i.e., fuck you.”
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!”
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
“God gave me a gift, Lucille. I shovel well. I shovel very well.”
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
“You don’t frighten us, English pig-dog. Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you so-called Arthur King, you and your silly English k-niggets. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hampster and your father smelled of elderberries.”
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”
– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard