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Haiku Horoscope

Haiku is an ancient form of Japanese poetry. Traditional haiku are five syllables in the first line, seven in the second and five in the last. Ms. Luna prefers to make her divinations through haiku and means no disrespect to the art of haiku. She would also like you to know that these horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only.

Miss Luna requests that all Christmas gifts be in the form of chocolate, Jack Daniel’s or cash. You can leave them for her in the Vanguard office in the sub-basement of Smith Memorial Center.

Aries March 21-April 20
Stocking stuffers cheap.
Good gifts for ungrateful friends.
What did they get you?

Taurus April 21-May 20
Please don’t drink too much
At the holiday parties.
Driving drunk is bad.

Gemini May 21-June 21
Holidays diverse.
Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas
Discover them all.

Cancer June 22-July 22
Many kids at mall
Agoraphobics aware!
Shop on the weekdays.
Leo July 23-August 22
Classes almost done.
Value your precious time off
Hell again in Jan.
Virgo August 23-September 22
Ski season is here
Enjoy the slopes without me!
Miss Luna hates snow.

Libra September 23-October 23
Read books, be lazy
Relax your mind and your soul.
Forget about school.

Scorpio October 24-November 21

For a lot less stress
Do not worry about fat
Until the next year.
Sagittarius November 22-December 21
To feel really good,
Do something charitable.
Help those with much less.
Capricorn December 22-January 20
Holidays depress?
Funny movies and ice cream
Ben and Jerry’s best.
Aquarius January 21-February 19
Holiday party?
Do not watch Martha Stewart’s
Chilling perfection.

Pisces February 20-March 20
Learn to ice skate now.
Ha ha! Just kidding! You’ll fall.
Pisces are clumsy.