Cancer
June 21-July 22
Someone from your past is thinking of you this week and they miss you as much as you miss them. I say, go for it.
Leo
July 23-August 22
Ah, summer! Time to shell out big bucks while traveling for weddings. Don’t forget that your presence is a present, but also that people really like standing mixers.
Virgo
August 23-September 22
All that winter weight you tried to lose is just going to come right back once you get off this juice diet. You shouldn’t have tried the easy way to fitness.
Libra
September 23-October 22
Excuse me, but do you have a minute to talk about our lord and saviour Crossfit? It will change your life.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21
Always make sure when buying strawberries at the store that you look at the bottom of the clear basket to make sure they’re not already molding.
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21
Modeling chocolate can be used for a variety of things, including making fun little shapes for that birthday cake you’re being forced to make this week.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19
Treat yourself this week by going out to eat somewhere that’s a little fancy. Sit at the bar and have a drink, if able, and nibble on your favorite pork chop or seitan loaf.
Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Welcome back to the world after your break-up, Aquarius. You really are ready to get back in the dating pool. Trust yourself.
Pisces
February 20-March 19
Some people really dislike your personality, Pisces, but your job is not to change for another. Only change for yourself.
Aries
March 21-April 19
Please be responsible this week and don’t leave yours or any other child at an amusement park.
Taurus
April 20-May 20
Remember that when you break a bone in your body, it needs time to heal. Rest and take care of yourself when you need to and you’ll be much happier.
Gemini
May 21-June 20
Celebrate a lack of Twitter’s message limit by sending someone you love or hate the complete first chapter of The Great Gatsby.