Hyphenated Horoscopes

Today’s Birthday (February 5)

Phony-esque

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Blender-maker

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Cancel-itis

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Nay-sayer

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Toe-toucher

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Meat-eater

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Poop-giver

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Kiss-obsessed

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You don’t even deserve a hyphen

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Heel-kicker

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Jackson-like

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Touchy-feely

Aquarius.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Muthafuckin-sonuvabitch

– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard