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Ira Kortum:Taking our shot at the annoying

After reading last week’s issue of Willamette Week, I decided it was high time that PSU had its own shot at what to cry and bitch about, so here it is: PSU’s festival of bitching ’03.

Elevator Hogs

Why is it that people will wait three to five minutes to ride the damn elevator when their destination is only one floor? Perfectly healthy, young and unencumbered people who just can’t find the extra oomph to walk that flight of stairs. Now, as someone who has to transport things of a delivery nature (yes, yes it’s the paper, but that’s paper Man to you), there is nothing more frustrating than watching the door of the elevator open and see a bunch of lazy people being the reason why I have to wait longer to do my job, schedule be damned. This is of course leaving out the old, those with multiple bags, the injured, etc. However, I guess I shouldn’t complain. Once I saw a guy in an electric wheelchair have to wait through another rotation on the elevator just because there wasn’t enough room as the elevator was crammed with healthy STANDING people, and no one was willing to get off so that he could fit. “What? But I can’t get off, I still have a floor to go!” Take the stairs, you lazy bastards!

A Class Above

Another bone of contention is those who fit into the club of High Society on campus. These people for some reason or another think that because you’re doing custodial work, or ground-maintenance work or pushing the school paper that you don’t exist. “Oh God, never talk to the help unless you have to.” To those who turn up their noses at people they think are beneath them, I say screw you and take a good look over here at the paper boy (Man). I already have a BS degree, so school isn’t everything. Look at me and you could be looking at your future.

Jumpin’ on the Bandwagon

Now, when it comes to the whole idea-borrowing thing – you know, when someone has had a long week and an assignment or article is due and they can’t think of anything to write about, so they “borrow” an idea from another paper? I mean, really, get off your lazy ass and, and … uh, never mind. (Scratch that.)

Fashion Hour

Forty degrees outside, girl passes by wearing a midriff mini and a short skirt, and she is irritated that people are staring at her … um … OK. Why can’t people just let go and wear clothing appropriate for the weather? If you absolutely have to wear those shorts or knee-high pants, that’s fine, but at least wear a coat. Your mom will be thankful and proud that she didn’t raise a complete fool.

Park Block Pigs

Would it really fucking kill you to walk the 10 paces to the garbage can and clean up after yourself?! I never could understand the whole “I’m so cool, I can leave my trash around like a slob or just throw it on the ground. Check me out as I toss this on the grass, see, I told you I was cool.” It’s nice to have lunch in the blocks, or a smoke, or a soda, or a snack. It’s not nice to have to watch you treat the campus like your living room.

Angst-ridden Aggressive Agenda People

These are the people with something to prove. You know, they have low self-esteem or self-confidence, or both, and have to prove themselves either intellectually or morally more superior than most so they can feel good about themselves. They do this by finding out the weak spots or mistakes of other people and attacking from a high moral ground. Usually they do this attacking in the form of a public forum, like TV or a student-run university newspaper … Wait a minute … NEVER MIND!! NOTHING TO SEE HERE, PLEASE MOVE ALONG, THANK YOU!!! (Definitely scratch that.)

Well, the list could go on and on, but what’s the fun in that? Instead, now it’s your turn. Have a complaint against something said here? Something you heard somewhere else? Did I miss something? Well, now’s your chance. Go to, get on the Vanguard page and assert yourself. Get your bitch out. Come on, it’ll feel good to get it all off your chest.