Love Horoscope for the Week of 2/14

March 21-April 19
Your love forecast for the year is a lot like a tornado in the Bible Belt: finicky, unpredictable and with a penchant for the destruction of trailer-park property.

April 20-May 20
This year in love, expect that your moderate personality will shine through. If you are single, a manic-pixie-dream person may come into your life, and it will take all your willpower to resist them.

May 21-June 20
You don’t want to hear your love forecast for the year, do you? You’re very happy with your current relationship status, but change could be on the horizon, and it may smack you like a mackerel.

June 21-July 22
Here today, gone tomorrow. Your love forecast is a jazz song, specifically “Summer Wind.” Not that you would give up that love for anything. Even the heartache was worth it.

July 23-August 22
Though you’re a lion, there’s no shame in embracing the Year of the Monkey. Monkeys have the ingenuity you’ve been craving, though you couldn’t put a word to it. Look for a monkey and be surprised what you find.

August 23-September 22
On one hand, you can feel yourself getting restless in love. On the other hand, you’re timid toward the unknown. Flip a coin and make a choice; stagnation won’t do you any good.

September 23-October 22
Are you looking for your Disney prince—gender notwithstanding? Well, are you sure that Disney royalty are really all they’re cracked up to be? Choose to love yourself first, and you never know who will come along.

October 23-November 21
Though usually volatile, your reading in love for this upcoming year is lucky. You’ve done a good job at learning who you are. Letting others follow suit showed which true colors best match your own.

November 22-December 21
Hanging out at karaoke bars isn’t going to solve your long-term love problems. True, passion is important, but eventually if you want to settle down, you’re going to have to stop looking for guys with devil tattoo sleeves.

December 22-January 19
Love is not like a Nicholas Sparks novel, and you know that as well as I do. Your love forecast doesn’t call for romance as much as reality. You can choose to walk away from something bad for you because something better is waiting.

January 20-February 18
Your love forecast tastes like the most delicious flavor of ice cream. It is the Phish Food of love forecasts. Dark, sensual, with little pops of sweetness. Enjoy the libations because life is short.

February 19-March 20
You don’t need anyone to call you baby. Your future love life—at least for this coming year—is nonexistent. They can come or not come; you won’t be bothered either way.