Subpar advice for the holidays

A mega dose of Subpar Advice to help get you through the bumps of winter break life. I do hope you’ll miss me because I’ll miss you dearly while I’m hijacking all the gifts from Santa’s sleigh (thanks, Norad tracker!).

Five Alarm Crush writes:

So I’m in charge of the office holiday party this year. I’ve had a lot of fun planning it, but really I volunteered to do it so I’d have as many excuses as possible to bump into my mega-crush-worthy boss. And this isn’t some silly schoolgirl ploy—I know he likes me, and his other half is out of town during the party. Should I strike while the iron is hot?

Heya, Five Alarm Crush.

Well, first let’s not be misogynistic about the idea of “silly schoolgirls.” I hate that. It makes it seem like young women don’t have the power to think for themselves because they get excited. Bleh. Now that we have that out of the way, what are you doing? Is your office the ad agency from Mad Men or Wolfram and Hart? No? Then why are you turning it into those places? You say the crush is probably returned, which is cute, but the dude’s wearing a ring. And that ring does mean something.

Sometimes love should not conquer all. You are not a Disney princess. You need to calm down.

Are there any peeps outside of your office you could bring to this party? A best friend who could stay with you and keep you out of trouble no matter how many times you beg to be allowed to go to the supply closet? You need them. You need them to be there with you.

Imagine if you were the wife, and some up-and-comer at the office holiday party seduced your significant other. How would you feel? Would you go all Real Housewives on that person? Because there’s a whole Pandora’s box of issues that come with initiating cheating like this, and none of it will leave you looking good in the end.

Don’t do it,
Your Advice Guru

This Old Thing writes:

With Christmas coming, I once again got an annual promise from close family that I’ll get a trip to Disney as a gift. But it never materializes, and it almost feels like some sort of running SNL gag at this point. It wasn’t so bad when it was just me, but now I’ve adopted kids, and they’d be affected if it doesn’t come true again this year. Should I get their hopes up?

Heya, This Old Thing.

Oooh, that is quite the unfulfilled promise. Those trips aren’t inexpensive (a four-day trip to Disneyland could cost you close to a grand after food costs) and the cult of Disney is alive and kicking today. And I say that as a dues-paying member of said cult.

Anywho, I wouldn’t bother getting your pizza with pepperoni in the shape of Mickey’s head to announce it, until you have the tickets in hand. I would say don’t over-plan for the potential time it would be, but have a backup plan or two in the works that are low maintenance. The lights on Peacock Street or at the Zoo can be made into an occasion with just as much hype if need be.

What I really like about the offer of the gift here is that it isn’t as material focused, it’s memory focused. It’s time and family focused. And that would be a great gift—if you ever actually got it. I hope for you this is the year it happens. And if it doesn’t, you need to put your foot down and say that it needs to stop being promised if it’s a lie.

Hearts and Stars,
Your Rescue Aid Society Advice Guru

He’s A Mess writes:

One of my favorite things is the family Christmas party. The whole family gets together—it’s like a Carpenters song come to life. We fill the house with joy and laughter and music. The only thing? My boyfriend came with me last year and wore old boots, a red sweatshirt, and jeans. He didn’t even comb his hair. Should I tell him that he embarrassed me so he knows better for this year’s party?

Heya, Mess Lover.

Heavens to betsy, old boots? Stars above, didn’t he read the dress level on the invitation? It said business casual, not rodeo business casual!

Is this the first time he’s dressed “inappropriately” to an event or do you have to wrestle him into a tie for weddings? Or was this your test run event to see how he’d do on his own? I’m missing a few items here, like how long you’ve been together.

I find it interesting that he’s not writing about his neurotic girlfriend who lost it after the family Christmas party when it didn’t seem to be such a big deal to everyone else. Or maybe he was making a defiant statement. Either way, I guarantee if you micromanage him like a ten year old, you’ll get just the response you deserve but maybe not the one you want. Depends on the guy.

Hearts and Stars,
Your Advice Guru