This Torso Again Writes:
So I dated this guy for about a year and then the spark fizzled and we became friends. I had to completely break it off shortly after because my feelings for him weren’t fizzling. A couple of months ago, I got a torso pic from a guy on Grindr telling me I was hot…and I knew that torso was the same guy, who was now dating someone else. Should I tell his new boyfriend that he’s on Grindr sniffing for the D?
Heya Torso,
Ah, Grindr. How did guys cheat with other guys before Grindr? I’m old enough to remember there was a time before it, but I don’t really remember. Isn’t that crazy?
Here’s the deal—you might feel you have a moral duty to tell the new boyfriend that his hunk o’ beef is a lying cheater, but that will suck you back into the hunk o’ beef’s universe, and can you really resist that man so much if the sparks were there enough that you couldn’t even be friends afterwards?
You’re also making an assumption that hunk o’ beef isn’t part of an open relationship, a very fashionable way of doing things now which probably makes monogamy a whole lot easier than we actually give it credit for—because it’s not cheating if it’s honest. Not to say it’s a great practice if Pence nationally does what he did in Indiana, but as long as its being honest and open and getting tested regularly, I’m certainly willing to count it as a new form of monogamy.
In any case, there’s no way that you’ll come out of this unscathed. If hunk o’ beef is Grindr-ing it up on his own without honesty to his partner, he will get caught sooner or later. Maybe you think you’re lucky because you can put a stop to it, but honestly you won’t. A person that cheats will always cheat, even if it lays dormant for a few years.
My suggestion? Close out Grindr for yourself. Take up a hobby. Go to bars and meet guys while playing Pokemon Go. There are more ways to meet guys than sex apps and now’s a good time to try them. And then maybe hunk o’ beef really will be out of your life for good.
Hearts and Stars,
Your Advice Guru
Pharma Girl Writes:
My other half hates big pharma, and I have a wide arrangement of pills I have to take to function. I don’t mind it so much but my other half? He’s very judgmental and makes snide comments about how big pharma’s goal is to keep me sick instead of cure me. He won’t visit my doctor with me to talk about how these pills actually keep me a functioning member of society (if it’s a thing, I’m probably on it). He’s adamant I start trying more holistic remedies that might have more adverse side effects than intended. How do I convince him to let me have my pill regiment in peace?
Heya Pharma Girl,
Wow, your other half sounds like a Republican lawmaker, always wanting to get up into your health care and reproductive parts! That must be nice, having someone who is so intimately worried and conspiracy driven constantly making you feel belittled for trying to function in modern society!
No?
Then might I suggest looking at this other half for who they truly are. I am worried this dogged attempt is part of something of a controlling personality your other half has. And you seem very fed up—that’s the one thing that’s reading through in your text.
Have you had an honest conversation with your other half about how uncomfortable and borderline abusive his behavior is? Because, if not, that’s a good step. Or possibly therapy. Though if he doesn’t trust big pharma, he might rather have healing crystals instead and crystals are less talking and more just sit pretty and glow a lot.
Clearly, there are some major conflicts in worldview here. You see the pills for what they are: a means to an end. Granted, it’s not a great means, because we have more physical and mental health problems than folks in the 1950s did, but at least you know the pills are working for you. You know your danger levels without them.
And your other half is a tool.
I don’t anticipate the conversation or therapy sessions going well at first. In fact, they may never go well. But you have to stand up for yourself or risk losing everything. And get very worried if your other half takes an interest in major beauty pageants and spray tanning until orange.
Hearts and Stars,
Your Advice Guru
Work Sucks Sometimes Writes:
So I’ve been dating this girl for a few months and things are going well. Maybe too well. Like, we’re both hearing wedding bells. Which would be great, but in six months I’ll probably be moving for a three-year job. Neither of us wants to do long distance. Should we break up now so that we can both just get over the eventual pain sooner?
Heya Work Sucks,
Why can’t she just move with you? Are those wedding bells a lot less clear than you’ve lead both me and yourself to believe?
Hearts and Stars,
Your Advice Guru
