Hey, kiddies! It’s that holiday time of year again and Biff knows that you’re excited. When we think of the holidays, we always think of things like presents, turkey, football, sleeping, green, red, working, driving and spending time with the family.
That last one some dread and others actually look forward to. But what about your significant other? Does he/she look forward to being with your family? Have they even met your family yet? Have you met their family? Have you met your family?
This is the one part of the holidays that Biff wants to remind you all about, that awkward encounter with your girlfriend’s grandma or the way that your boyfriend’s uncle keeps looking at you. Yes, meeting other people’s families. It can be good or bad, but it’s always entertaining. Perhaps that’s why so many movies entertain us with this very premise. So while you’re preparing your battle plan on how best to explain to your other’s parents why you’re living together, check out these movies for some quick pointers.
Probably the most famous story about meeting your girlfriend’s parents is “Romeo and Juliet.” The lesson to pick up on here is to make sure that your two families don’t have a long-standing feud, because then her family will have you killed. That’s bad. The same lesson can be learned in the Troma masterpiece “Tromeo and Juliet,” narrated beautifully by Lemmy from Motorhead.
“Buffalo 66” teaches us all not to kidnap a complete stranger and then bring her home to your Buffalo Bills obsessed parents who hate your guts.
P.S. This has Christina Ricci in one of her finest pre-bulimia performances.
If you invented your girlfriend, as Anthony Michael Hall did in the classic John Hughes film “Weird Science,” perhaps taking her home to Mom and Dad isn’t such a great idea. Your invented genie-like girlfriend will most likely explain to your mother your masturbation habits and then pull a gun on your dad. These are not good things, people, not good things at all.
What if your sister thinks she’s Jackie-O and is madly in love with you? Should you bring your fianc퀌�e home for the holidays? The Parker Posey film “The House Of Yes” says “probably not, campers, since your brother is better looking than you and wants to do it with your fianc퀌�e, your sister wants to do it with you, and your mother is just plain crazy.” That’s great advice. How about this one: Your dad is a recently legitimized mobster who is very overprotective of you and you want to marry anyone just to leave the house.
While it’s hard to explain the plot of 1991’s “Oscar,” believe you me, there is plenty of parent-meeting going on. Don’t be scared, Stallone is wonderful in this 1920s-era comedy.
This is one that a lot of the kids are worried about: Your mother has died and you pay to have her brought back to life, but now she wants to eat your new girlfriend who lives next door. If this is you, then rent the Steve Buscemi movie “Ed and His Dead Mother.” It will have all of the answers.
An important lesson from the Tim Roth and Renee Zellweger film “Deceiver” is to never get drunk on absinthe and then bring your paid escort girlfriend to your dad’s Harvard alumni party. This never goes over well.
Is your son a neo-Nazi? Then you shouldn’t bring your Jewish boyfriend home to dinner because, believe it or not, some sort of fight may occur. Don’t believe old Biff on this one? Don’t take my word for it; check out Eddie Norton in “American History X.” It’s a good one.
If you’re planning on traveling back in time this holiday season and spending an evening with your mother (who’s now infatuated with you) and her family, “Back to the Future” has all the tips you’ll need. Remember now, don’t reference things that haven’t happened yet like Marty McFly does about 900 times. This will confuse the family and make you look like a weirdo.
So far, all of these have been prime examples of what might happen when you meet someone else’s family for the first time.
However, there is one film more than any other that captures the tribulations that you’ll run into, the Robert De Niro-Ben Stiller comedy hit “Meet the Parents.”
The lie detector tests, the cats that use the toilet, the security cameras in every room, the ex-boyfriend being at dinner, they’re all here, kids. More great stuff to give you the power to meet your other’s family this joyous holiday season. Isn’t that what the holidays are all about anyways, smiling through uncomfortable situations?
Well, that’s what they mean to Biff.
Look at it this way, at least your boyfriend doesn’t keep his dad, who is really a mangled and deformed Ron Jeremy, locked in a cage in his room surrounded by body parts from all the people he’s killed, like in the hit film “Terror Firmer.” See, it could be worse. Happy holidays!