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19 things you probably won’t go to

Thursday, March 4

Portland Guitar Festival 2004

PSU, Lincoln Hall

Through March 6

$100 all events

Although a little expensive, you can pay per event to see this festival conveniently, located here on campus. Recommended is the solo competition, where you can see virtuosos work those upper registers like it ain’t no thang.

Champion, Business Machines, The Minds

Twilight Caf퀌� and Bar


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Ready yourself for some rock, the bluesy, boozy, garagey, four-chord kind that first spawned in some dank Seattle garage in the early ’60s and was rendered subservient by some pointy-shoed Brits, then rode a wave of acid into the ’70s, lost the bell bottoms, picked up some more attitude, masqueraded as punk for a while and then experienced a major revival.

The Demons, Fireballs of Freedom, Partytime


10 p.m.

Cover, 21+

Portland’s own Fireballs of Freedom are a very loud band, and the best way to experience them is live with an alcoholic beverage in your hand. I can’t remember the last time I heard of them playing anything other than a bar venue.



$22, 21+

See a piece of hip-hop history (and not the way the Rolling Stones are rock history) play and get your drink on too. I can’t recommend this over the Fireballs, though. I like me some riffs.

Friday, March 5

Mary Lou Lord, Gingersol, thebrotheregg


$10, 21+

Although technically true, the connotations that come along with the phrase “singer-songwriter make it kind of a lame tag to stick on someone, especially someone as talented as Mary Lou Lord.

Mars Needs Women, Joshua James and the Runaway Trains, Sketchy Ted, The All-American Playboys

Mount Tabor Pub

9 p.m.


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Between the surf stylings of Mars Needs Women, the All American Playboys’ city-famous frontman and the “greatest rock and roll show on earth” courtesy of Joshua James and the Runaway Trains, there’s no way to lose out with this show, even if none of the bands live up to their claims or legends.

One Act Play Festival

Lincoln Hall Student Theater

7:30 p.m-10 p.m.

Student drama! And not the kind that plagued your life in high school, either.

Subhumans, The Frisk, From Ashes Rise, The Observers

Crystal Ballroom

8 p.m.

$10, all ages

It’s pretty respectable for a band as established as Subhumans to only be charging ten bucks, and at the Crystal too. Come dig their seminal-ness and excellent sense of value.

Not Long After, Desert City Soundtrack, Oliver, Faded

Meow Meow

6:30 p.m.

$8, all ages

More Desert City Soundtrack! Is it just me, or do they play almost every damn week? I’m always having to try and think up more adjectives to describe them. Oliver is a pretty cool synthy-pop act, so hit this show up. You’ll probably have time to head over to catch Subhumans at the Crystal if you leave early.

Saturday, March 6

Melvins, Mudhoney

Crystal Ballroom

8 p.m.

$15, all ages

If you never leave your house for the rest of the year, make sure to do it on this day, since this is going to be the biggest rock blowout we see for a long time. Not only will the truly, honestly seminal Melvins be bulldozing over you with their proto-grunge metal, but Mudhoney will do it a second time courtesy of their Stooges-esque garage thunder. You mall-ternative kids think that Nirvana’s hot shit? They worshipped at the throne of the Melvins. And Mudhoney? What other band could ever hope to play an Angry Samoans song better than the Angry Samoans themselves? But I’ll spare you my tedious lecturing if you promise to go. Promise?

Busse’s Big Top Brawl with Cootie Platoon, icanlickanysonofabitchinthehouse, Big Bang Circus Sideshow


9:30 p.m.

$10, 21+

Sorry Phil Busse. You’re a cool guy and all, and you got some good bands to play this benefit, but you picked the wrong night. However, rumor has it that this ho-down will feature videos of Portland Police caught in the brutality act, which ought to be interesting. If you’d rather do all that lame stuff like get involved in the community and be proactive, this might be a good destination for your after-hours.

Elefant, Magic Magicians, The Pleased


10 p.m.

$8/$10 door, 21+

If you lean more toward arty or poppy or hipster, this is the show of the evening for you. And good riddance, cheesy hipsters! We don’t want you bringing the Melvins show down with your cooler-than-thou vibes. Or come and be schooled, since no one is cooler than Mark Arm. I’m not suggesting that these bands aren’t good, though; as a matter of fact, they all are, especially Magic Magicians, which sports an ex-764 Hero guitarist and an ex Black Heart Procession drummer for a garagey-pop blowout.

Monday, March 8

Dark Skies

Twilight Caf퀌� and Bar

No website, never heard them, cheesy name … could be the wickedest band in town.

Ima Robot

Aladdin Theater

7 p.m.

$8/$10 door, all ages

A new wave, punky, angular surge of guitar and keys will wash over the Aladdin, bathing all in its arty glory.

The Red Light Sting, Hint Hint, Rhythm of 84, Rose City Dead

Meow Meow

7 p.m.

$7, all ages

If you don’t go for the cacophonous hardcore din of The Red Light Sting or Hint Hint’s electro-punk ardor, go to see HH’s hotty-hot keyboard player.

The Unseen, The Virus, The Escaped, The Civies

Paris Theater

7:30 p.m.


A lot of legends seem to be passing though town these days. The Unseen are street-punk legends (I’ve said seminal enough already), so hopefully their tourmates won’t be slouches either.

Tuesday, March 9

Party Out The People with fashion by Black Tooth and Revolver Revolver

Meow Meow

8 p.m.

$5, all ages

More PDX fashion on display for all to see, plus music and the Meow Meow’s righteous new collection of arcade classics. And so cheap!

Wednesday, March 10

Preston School of Industry, The Autumn Defense, Court and Spark

Crystal Ballroom

8 p.m.

$10/$12 door, 21+

A heaping helping of Byrds-esque pop and maybe a little Pavement too, executed by people whose hairdos look like they were stolen off the head of Roger McGuinn.

Pretty Girls Make Graves, Mahjongg and The Fuse

Meow Meow

March 10 7 p.m.


The ire and the fire of PGMG should go well with Mahjongg’s blend of electronica and funk (and wild leopard skin costumes). As for The Fuse, your guess is as good as mine, since the only references to a band so named point to an Australian cover band, and somehow I doubt that’s the same Fuse.