It’s just not fair,
My roommate and I split a two-bedroom that has recently started housing three full-grown adults. His girlfriend, who he’s been seeing for like a year, started staying at our place pretty much every day a couple months ago. And ever since she did, my roommate has become a total waste. They basically hang out on the couch watching TV, eating munchies, smoking and sometimes doing homework. Now it’s like the living room is their bedroom, his bedroom is just their bed, and I’m stuck in my room unless I want to see them being gross in the living room. AARG! So she makes a mess, ruins my roommate, zones me out of my place, and DOESN’T PAY A DIME OF RENT. What’s more, I’m the one who takes care of house bills, and I always have to bug him to pay rent on time. I’m going crazy! This is his first real girlfriend, so I can’t tell him to get rid of her, but this can’t go on. How do I either get her out of the house or get her to pay rent?
“Bro Den Down”
Here’s the unfair advice: They’re shitty to you and zoning you out of your own home? Fine, leave. I mean, you don’t say what he was like before she came around, but it doesn’t sound like this guy was probably ever too wonderful to live with. So, find a new place with a new roommate, take your name off the lease, take back your security deposit (which I’m assuming you paid) and just tell them that if they want the place to themselves, it is theirs. Either he steps up and takes some responsibility by asking her to move in or finding another roommate, or he and his mooching girlfriend fall into destitution locked away in the place, and you read about their decomposing bodies found months later under a pile of dishes.
Or you can take the fair advice. And to be fair, this is not all the girlfriend’s fault as you imply. It’s understandable you’d see it that way; he’s your point of reference for normal college living. You two had your bro den and all was good until that darn woman got in between you. But forget that. His girlfriend isn’t forcing him to let her stay there at knifepoint (right?). He’s housing her. If you’re afraid of being confrontational to them, just wait until you have him alone and tell him that she’s freeloading, and you aren’t going to stand for it anymore. Tell him that he’ll bear the responsibility of her actions, as she is his guest. Give him ultimatums: keep his mess confined to his room, keep the communal space communal, and spend some nights at her place, too. Then give him the fair options for when he doesn’t shape up: she or he pitches for her rent, or she does something around the place to help offset her presence. Really, man, just use your words. It’s not like the situation is that complicated. Tell them to shape up, or one of you three is going to ship out.