Life isn’t fair–let me help

My mom told me many times growing up, in response to my questions and complaints, that “nobody ever said life was gonna be fair.” It was the soundest advice I’ve ever received. Life isn’t fair. At all.

The world is a brutal, unforgiving place, and from the moment you enter, the deck is stacked against you. If there is a god, it doesn’t give one god damn about meting out your fate. The Earth is being raped to death by inhuman, soulless corporations that enslave or eradicate entire populations so as to plunder and pollute the oceans, land and even the sky itself. Manmade mass extinctions continue to wipe out entire species of plants and animals, while ecosystems that have developed over millions of years are in ruins. Savage madmen, cheaters and liars prosper in power while honest people are starved and disenfranchised, beaten and murdered daily. Genocide and war are commonplace and cliché states of affairs. Most marriages end in divorce and most couples break up. You are being underpaid and overworked. Your partner is cheating on you. Your food is poisoned. Someday, much sooner than you think and almost certainly against your will, you will die. In short: You. Are. Fucked.

In the face of the world’s horrors, we seek answers—some sort of rationale as to why and how things went so terribly wrong. But when prayers go unanswered, when politicians go back on their promises, and when your therapist elopes with your partner and moves to Guatemala, where do you turn?
Right here.

In this column, I’ll answer your questions and dispense advice about life in all its unfair glory. Nothing is out of bounds—from politics to family arguments, from sex to manners, from vices to virtues, from relationships to religions—any burning question on your mind is fair game for Life’s Unfair Advice. Life doesn’t care about your problems, but I do. And I promise to be a little more constructive than my mom.

Email your questions to [email protected], text them to (408) 462-2746, tweet me @unfairadvice, or hit me at