I’m dreaming of a dank Christmas

“How high am I going to be after consuming this?” I asked my friend, who was already prepping for the next recipe.

“Well, I used a relatively potent cannabutter, and the THC content should easily hit 9.3 milligrams per gram of…” This is what happens when you convince a chemistry major to help you make marijuana edibles.

“Sam,” I interrupted. “On a scale of one to ten, how high am I going to be?”

Sam scratched her head. “When was the last time you got high?”

I searched my memory, “Actually, I haven’t smoked in awhile. A few weeks before the fall term I guess.”

A deer in the headlights expression struck Sam’s face. She replied with a single word: “Eleven.”

Having smoked on and off over the years, and yet having never actually consumed marijuana in the edible form, when the Vanguard came up with the idea for the piece, I was quick to volunteer.

Not knowing the first thing about actually cooking weed, my first step involved coercing the aforementioned Sam (chemistry whiz/America’s next top chef) to lend me a helping hand. Several trips to the grocery later—as well as the promise of cleaning an apartment—and we were in business.

After sampling the following three recipes, I’ve learned two important things: 1) Eating cannabis edibles after a prolonged absence from the THC game will indeed carry you straight past ten and into “Eleven.” 2) Cleaning an apartment while completely stoned is much more challenging than I previously had imagined.

Chocolate dipped strawberries
If you try one recipe, this should be it. Do yourself a favor and keep these in mind for Valentine’s Day.

-2 tablespoons canna-coconut oil (I recommend purchasing cannabutter/oil at a dispensary. Unless you have someone who is familiar with the necessary steps)
-1½ cups chocolate chips
-12 strawberries with stems

1. In a medium, microwave-safe bowl, stir together chocolate chips and coconut oil. Microwave on high for 30 seconds. Remove and stir. Continue microwaving and stirring in 15-second intervals until melted and smooth. Let sit until chocolate reaches room temperature.
2. Dip the berries into the chocolate. Set on parchment paper and try not to eat for 30 minutes.

Peanut Butter Cookies
Feel free to decorate these in holiday fashion. You could always dip them into the leftover chocolate from the strawberry recipe—just saying.

-1 cup peanut butter
-4 tablespoons cannabutter, softened
-½ cup white sugar
-½ cup brown sugar
-½ cup flour
-1 egg
-pinch of salt

1. Heat oven to 350 F
2. Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl. Stir until smooth.
3. Divide the dough into 15 balls and press them down on a baking sheet covered with parchment.
4. Bake until set and until the edges have the slightest bit of color, about 8–10 minutes. Allow to cool for 15 minutes.

Thai Iced Tea
We attempted an eggnog recipe that didn’t really turn out; these however, turned out great. Reminded us of sunshine and picnics in the park.

-6 chai tea bags
-8 cups boiling water
-¼ to ½ cup granulated sugar (optional)
-1 can condensed milk (14 ounces)
-3–5 tablespoons melted cannabutter

1. Place the chai tea bags in a pitcher. Pour 8 cups of boiling water over the tea bags. Allow to steep for 4–5 minutes. Remove the bags and add the optional sugar. Let cool to room temperature.
2. In a small bowl combine the condensed milk and melted cannabutter.
3. Fill 6 glasses with ice cubes. Fill each glass 2/3 of the way with the tea. Top the tea with about 2 ounces of the condensed milk mixture. It will sink to the bottom, which is good. Stir and enjoy.