Intro
What’s the best thing about being single on Valentine’s Day? For one, you don’t need to make a dinner reservation weeks in advance or freak out when you realize you forgot to do just that. For another, instead of shelling out 80 bucks for mediocre ravioli at the most expensive restaurant in the downtown area, you can go down to the local Safeway and buy yourself 30 bucks worth of pure garbage. Your stomach might regret it, but your heart will thank you. Without judgment, shame or the pressure of pretending to know what a “dry wine” is, here’s a twist on three Valentine’s classics that you can make into an all-you-can-eat extravaganza for one.
Cheese
The single person’s cheese is not a $14 hunk of Gouda or squishy French cheese that’s impossible to pronounce. The single person’s cheese is a frozen pizza decked in meat or veggies. It’s probably been sitting in your freezer for months—now is that pizza’s time to shine. The single person’s cheese could also be dumping an entire packet of shredded cheddar into a pot of Kraft mac and cheese. Try it and tell me it doesn’t beat almost any meal ever made.
Chocolate
This Valentine’s Day, make your true love the earth. Instead of splurging for Godiva truffles or, worse, a heart-shaped box of cardboard chocolates from the drugstore, buy yourself some fair trade chocolate at a local shop. By making cocoa farming more sustainable and contributing to ethical labor, you can both do a good thing and feel superior to your friends spending their evenings with their significant others. Alternatively, splurge on some homemade chocolate at the local farmer’s market in the Park Blocks. In this case, sharing isn’t caring. Keep that shit to yourself.
Wine
Let’s face it—if you’re single, quality wine is not in your future. Going to a wine tasting alone is akin to torture, and any bottle of wine old enough to vote comes with a price tag of a similar caliber. Instead of resigning yourself to boxed booze this Valentine’s season, learn how to ferment your own instead. Learn how to make fruit wine and you’ll not only teach yourself a new skill, you won’t sacrifice your taste buds to the gods of Franzia. Instead, you can enjoy a nice blueberry or apple wine in just a few months. Alternatively, if you don’t want to wait that long, mix some fruit punch with box wine and add some ice cubes for class. It’ll taste exactly the same.
