As the school year ends and the days get hotter, people from all different walks of life seek asylum in the cherry-slushied, buttery-smelling, air-conditioned oasis that is the movie theater. This is your summer movie guide. Whether you’re into buddy comedies with Amy Schumer, wanna see perennial ass-kicker extraordinaire Tom Cruise continue to kick ass, or are a glutton for punishment and want to bring a box of tissues with you and cry at the latest dramatic flick, have I got a guide for you.
MAY: Guardians of the Frikkin’ Galaxy
I am so excited about this movie, I even added a little something to the title! I’ve already seen this one, and let me tell you: if you see one movie this whole summer, this is the one to see. It’s even funnier than the first one, it has a dynamite soundtrack (which might be even better than the first one, but that’s for you to decide), and keeps you at the edge of your seat. Bonus for Gilmore Girls fans: the actor who plays Kirk (Sean Gunn) easily steals the show in this movie, so it’s worth your time to see it.
If you want a sci-fi action flick with more action and less comedy, Alien: Covenant is your movie. It’s the sequel to the Prometheus, stars Michael Fassbender and directed by Ridley Scott (who directed Blade Runner, the original Alien, and Gladiator). As a fan of the Alien series, I’m eager to see what this film does for a new generation, although no one will ever be as good as Sigourney Weaver in the original films.
More into the comedic realm? Two comedies this month! We’ve got the Amy Schumer-Goldie Hawn mother-daughter comedy Snatched and the movie adaptation of Baywatch. A screen legend, a former WWE star, Troy Bolton from High School Musical and Amy Schumer?! I giggled with childlike glee when these movies were released: no shame at all. But, this is only the month of May. The next three months are really when things get good.
MAY RELEASE DATES:
Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2: May 5
Snatched: May 12
Alien: Covenant: May 19
Baywatch: May 25
JUNE: Wonder Woman! Wonder Woman! Wonder Woman!
Nothing else needs to be talked about this month. I’m so excited for this movie, you have no idea. This one comes out June 2, and I’ll be there for the midnight showing. It’s like Christmas for this comic book movie nerd.
Less on the comic book side but still on board the nostalgia train, we have the new Transformers movie coming on June 23. I’m hesitant about this one. The last few Transformers movies have been, well, less than stellar. But it’s a new year, so anything is possible.
Tom Cruise stars in a reboot of The Mummy. He’s no Brendan Fraser, but this looks like just the ticket for the suspense movie lovers out there. Looking for a good date night movie? Scarlett Johansson and crew have got you covered this month with Rough Night. Johansson joins Kate McKinnon of SNL and Ghostbusters fame (and my favorite human ever) and Ilana Glazer from Broad City; strippers, accidental manslaughter, and lots of hijinks ensue. I’m excited for this one.
The one that I think people should keep their eyes peeled for is Baby Driver. It stars Ansel Elgort, Kevin Spacey, Jamie Foxx, and Jon Hamm, and was written and directed by Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead). This movie’s got music, fast cars, a bank robbery and Kevin Spacey. Sounds like Grand Theft Auto but in film form. What’s not to like this month at the movies?
Other releases include the Tupac Shakur biopic All Eyez on Me, the Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler casino comedy The House, and the third installments of the Cars and Despicable Me franchises.
JUNE RELEASE DATES:
Wonder Woman: June 2
The Mummy: June 9
Rough Night, All Eyez on Me, Cars 3: June 16
Transformers: The Last Knight: June 23
Baby Driver: June 28
The House, Despicable Me 3: June 30
JULY: Another Spider-Man movie!
July is Action Movie Month. Spider-Man: Homecoming! War for the Planet of the Apes! Dunkirk! This month is set to be an action-packed punch fest and I’m elated. Spider-Man: Homecoming is the one I am most excited about. Being a big Spider-Man fan (saw every film in the theaters, like clockwork), I’m sure I’ll watch this one more than once. Michael Keaton is the villain. Robert Downey Jr. makes an appearance as Tony Stark. What’s not to like about this movie? This seems like a safe bet for a fantastic midsummer movie!
I’m also really excited for Dunkirk. For us movie nerds, it’s been awhile since we saw Christopher Nolan and that alone is worth it. For you humans less invested in the name of the director, Harry Styles makes his acting debut in this one, so that’ll get it some major money.
Other releases include the Cara Delevingne sci-fi action flick Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Charlize Theron’s Atomic Blonde, and animated adventure comedy The Emoji Movie, starring Patrick Stewart (as the poop emoji, because Patrick Stewart).
JULY RELEASE DATES:
Spider-Man: Homecoming: July 6
War for the Planet of the Apes: July 14
Dunkirk, City of a Thousand Planets: July 21
Atomic Blonde, The Emoji Movie: July 28
AUGUST: The Dark Tower
Now, this month is the crapshoot month this summer. It’s got your epics (The Dark Tower), your tear-jerking Oscar bait (The Glass Castle), your buddy cop comedy parody extravaganza (The Hitman’s Bodyguard), and a couple big budget suspense horror films (Kidnap and Annabelle: Creation).
The biggest thing that this month has going for it is the star power. Idris Elba. Matthew McConaughey. Brie Larson. Halle Berry. Ryan Reynolds. Samuel L. Jackson. Whatever you decide to see, the star power alone is worth the price of admission. I’m intrigued to see how The Dark Tower fares. It’s based on the highly successful Stephen King books, and with that cast, I’m sure it’s gonna be the box office favorite this month. But don’t count out the comedic genius of Ryan Reynolds opposite Samuel L. Jackson in The Hitman’s Bodyguard for major box office dough.
AUGUST RELEASE DATES:
The Dark Tower, Kidnap: August 4
The Glass Castle: August 11
Annabelle: Creation: August 11
The Hitman’s Bodyguard: August 18