Trashy television done gone video

I can honestly say without blinking that I have never watched an entire episode of “Jerry Springer.” I have, however, seen enough to know that the reason there is a stereotype about people who go on talk shows is because it’s true. The people who appear on “Springer” are completely unabashed in their willingness to humiliate themselves and all the members of their family for their 15 minutes. But really at this point it probably only gets a person about three or four minutes tops.

There is a certain kind of person who enjoys the thrill of a good fistfight between mother and daughter or the revelation that the father of your daughter’s baby is also her brother.

Some show themes for this week courtesy of Jerry’s Web site are, “The Wedding’s Off,” about a woman who wants to tell her fianc퀌� that because he is so boring she has turned to prostitution – “Hey honey meet my pimp.” Also on the agenda are, “Threesomes with Grandma” and “Gays on Parade.” So sit back and enjoy the following straight-to-video gems. Guaranteed or your money back.

“Jerry Springer: Too Hot for TV” is a compilation of all the things that can’t be shown on television. I was unaware that there was anything left that couldn’t be shown on TV. This is the real deal folks, you can see the fuzzed-out portion of stripteases performed by women who are “first time strippers” and you can hear all the f-words you can handle without that pesky beeping. The best part though is the famous chair throwing and “lunge and punch” that has made this show so popular.

Get bombarded with boob shots with “Girls Gone Wild” and “College Girls Gone Wild.” These documentary-type films show that even college girls can get a little crazy at Mardi Gras. This is one long flesh fest, but I’m sure their parents are really proud. The pervert who thought up this video is probably sitting in his gold-plated trailer counting piles of money right now. Visit their Web site at www.girlsgonewild.com and order a copy of “Dorm Room Fantasies” for your home video library.

“Beyond the Mat” is a look at the back-side of pro wrestling, the documentary focuses on the lives of wrestlers Terry Funk, Mick Foley (Mankind), Jake Roberts (Jake the Snake), and Darren Drozdov (Droz). The filmmaker wants to prove to the wrestling naysayers out there that WRESTLING IS NOT FAKE! It is very real, my friend, and anyone who disagrees is more than welcome in the ring for a little lesson in the art of kickin’ ass.

This movie is fun to watch and not cheesy like WWF matches. The opportunity to go behind the scenes and see these men without the inane scripts and costumes is worth the rental fee. The wrestlers want to make people see that their profession is worthy of respect and that it takes a tremendous amount of athletic ability to survive in the ring.

One final thought … when a person tells you that your video choices are trashy and appalling, you don’t have to attack them in the middle of the store. Simply put that negative energy to good use by turning it into respect for their personal tastes and walking away. You don’t have to make other people happy in this life, just yourself. So do what Jerry says, “Take care of yourself … and others.” Buh-bye now.