For most of my life, the prospect of the world ending has been a lingering fear in the back of my mind. The thought is nearly impossible to escape. From…
Satire: Not Gourd Enough
Pumpkins are the staple fruit of the Fall season—synonymous with Halloween and the festivities that follow it. People love exploring pumpkin patches with their loved ones, making pie and carving…
Satire: Cars are the future
After eight years of driving experience, it’s hard for me not to appreciate the most innovative style of transportation, especially for mass populations. Just the bustle of the city, traffic…
Satire: Suck it, losers
Dear campus community, During my tenure as Portland State president, I had the opportunity to serve the university in many ways. In that time, I made a few policy decisions…
Satire: OREGON SCORES TRIUMPH AS IDAHO LIFTS BOISE BLOCKADE
BOISE, Idaho (AP)—After an 11-month standoff between the Oregon and Idaho state governments, Idaho is backing down on its blockade of Boise to allow Oregon residents and agricultural products to…
Satire:
“Unlike real life, no one is ugly in porn,” an anonymous Portland sex shop worker—who we’ll refer to as Johnny—told Portland State Vanguard. Everyone who has had firsthand experience in…
Study confirms Halloween is an inferior holiday
A new study published by a team of researchers at Halloween Town State University found that Halloween is “wildly overrated.” The report, published in the journal Holiday Science Quarterly…
Satire: Nike says it’s unethical to thrift shop
Phil Knight, the founder of Nike—the world’s most valued clothing brand—made a bold statement last night to all thrift shoppers out there. “Nobody should be proud to purchase Nike…
Satire: Space is not the place
CEO of Tesla, Chief Engineer of SpaceX and father of seven robot children, Elon Musk has just been named TIME Person of the Year—a well-deserved token for the brilliant entrepreneur….