The funk of 40,000 years’

“Thriller”

Michael Jackson

1983

This certainly turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy for old MJ. The self-proclaimed “Peter Pan” is creepy even without his teeny-weenie slumber parties. “We go to sleep with the fire on, and I give them hot milk and cookies. It’s very charming and very sweet. It’s what the whole world should do. The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone.” That is thriller night.

“Thriller” the song still gets air time, especially around Halloween. The video remains the number-one video of all time on MTV (sorry, Def Leppard). And for good reason. That video wetted many a pair of Underoos. With Werewolf Michael, Zombie Michael and that one dance where they all put there hands on their knees and stomp in unison: holy crapola. If that’s not enough to scare young boys, Michael tells the girl at the end, “Come on, I’ll take you home.” Vincent Price’s voiceover ending summed it up perfectly: “Yah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, yah ha ha ha ha ha ha …”

“Monster Mash”

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Bobby “Boris” Pickett

1962

It must have been a graveyard smash, because this song went to number one on the Billboard charts in 1962. Since then, it’s spent 42 (fuzzy math?) years in the Service. Yes, it’s a service, because you only hear this monstrosity (hah!) around Halloween. It trods out onto the airwaves, smoking a cigarette, drinking a scotch, wearing a dusty old Frankenstein suit, and coughs, “I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight . . . “

Elvis said it was the “dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Sinatra called Pickett the “grandaddy of rap records, baby!”

Michael Jackson said, “Why can’t you share your bed?”

“Halloween”

The Misfits

1985

Any Misfits song would do fine here, as they rarely wandered far from the skulls-and-zombies theme. “Dead cats hangin’ on poles/ little dead are out in droves/ I remember Halloween.” This Jersey quartet was basically a Halloween party band playing their minute-long songs year round. I can’t believe they reformed without Danzig and are still touring today. Shouldn’t that be illegal? Those old men could easily live off tattoo royalties if there were such a thing.

Side note: Papa M covered “I Want Your Skull” at a recent performance.